


Hate to Love You

by euphoriamj



Category: Marvel, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: AU - Peter isn't Spider-Man, Angst, Anxiety, Fluff and Angst, Hate to Love, Multi, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sarcasm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-21
Updated: 2019-08-31
Packaged: 2020-09-23 06:22:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20335528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/euphoriamj/pseuds/euphoriamj
Summary: At only 16, Peter Parker lost his Uncle Ben in a tragic car accident. After the accident, Peter was diagnosed with PTSD and often blamed himself for what happened. It’s now three years later and Peter is moving off to college. He’s leaving his Aunt May and separating from his best friend Ned. But while Peter is anxious about starting a new life all on his own, he can’t help but feel excitement about what’s to come at Columbia University…until he meets MJ…and he starts to wish he chose a different path.





	1. New Beginnings

**December 3rd 2017**

“What do you mean you don’t _need_ to go to college?” Uncle Ben questioned Peter as his grip tightened on the steering wheel, he was clearly aggravated. “Do you just except to get a job straight away?”

Peter rolled his eyes and let out a frustrated sigh as he turned to look out the window. “No, I never said that it’s just-“

“It’s just what?” Uncle Ben interrupted. “Peter, I want the best for you…you know that right?”

Peter could feel his blood starting to boil. This wasn’t the first time he was having this conversation, but for some reason Uncle Ben always brought up his future. Peter hated thinking about what he was going to do for the rest of his life, he had just turned 16 only a few months ago so the thought never really crossed his mind. Peter wanted to avoided starting an argument he was embarrassed that Uncle Ben even brought up the conversation in front of Ned and he could sense the discomfort and awkwardness from everyone in the car. Every so often he heard shuffling coming from the back seat as Ned tried to find a more comfortable position to sit in. To take his mind off it, he focused on the way the fresh snow clung to the window sills and gutters of the small shops that blurred past as Uncle Ben drove them home. Aunt May said she was cooking braised beef with roasted potatoes and vegetables; Uncle Ben and Peter’s favourite. Peter believed that if he thought more about the food that was waiting for him when he got home and less about the conversation he was having with his Uncle, his problems would go away. But they didn’t.

“Earth to Peter Parker? Hello?” Uncle Ben’s voice interrupted Peter’s thoughts of braised beef.

“W-what?” Peter stuttered.

“Your parents would want you to go to college Peter” Uncle Ben said softly.

“Why the hell are you bringing my parents into this?” Peter snapped back. “They’re not here to tell me that are they?”

“Peter-“ Uncle Ben started.

“No! Just don’t bring them up,” Peter muttered. “Not now…” It wasn’t unusual for Uncle Ben to bring Peter’s parents into the conversation, especially when he wanted to make a point. Peter hated it. It’s not like he hated his parents, he loved them more than anything and missed them every single day. He just hated the way his Uncle brought them up to make Peter feel bad. It wasn’t right.

“Well I’m right aren’t I?” Uncle Ben was beginning to get aggravated at Peter’s stubbornness.

“You think you’re always right don’t you?” Peter clenched his jaw and turned to his Uncle who kept his eyes on the road. “You think you can just bring up my parents whenever you want and expec-“

Uncle Ben swerved into the next lane as a car unexpectedly pulled out in front of them, his right-hand shooting across Peter’s chest to protect him while the left smashed down on the horn.

“Jesus Christ, who the hell drives like that in this weather?” Uncle Ben said through shaky breaths, the adrenaline still coursing through his body. “Is everybody okay?”

Ned nodded from the backseat, but Peter remained still and silent, deciding to focus on the ice that began to form on the front wind shield instead.

Breaking the silence that followed the near accident, Uncle Ben continued. “You’re going to college and that’s final.”

“You don’t get to decide that for me,” Peter couldn’t believe what he was hearing, it wasn’t his Uncle’s decision to make…it wasn’t his Uncle’s future, it was _his_.

“You’re my nephew… I just want what’s best for you,” Uncle Ben insisted.

“We’re just going around in fucking circles,” Peter spat.

“HEY! LANGUAGE,” Uncle Ben began to yell. He didn’t tolerate swearing and never wanted to hear Peter speak that way.

“WHY THE HELL DO YOU EVEN CARE, YOU AREN’T MY DAD,” Peter raised his voice at his Uncle.

“YOUR DAD ISN’T HERE PETER,” Uncle Ben yelled.

Peter snapped his head upwards and slowly turned to face his Uncle once again, his chest rapidly rising and falling. He clenched his jaw as the anger coursed through him, how dare he say something like that? Peter and his Uncle never fought like this…ever. They had a good relationship, his Uncle and Aunt had raised him, taken care of him, given him a good home, food to eat and clothes on his back. But his Uncle had crossed a line.

“What the _fuck_ did you just say?” Peter said through gritted teeth, keeping his eyes locked on his Uncle, waiting for a response.

“You heard me.”

“How dare you.”

The blinding headlights, blaring horn and scraping of metal against metal were the last things Peter remembered from that night…

* * *

** _2020_ **

Peter jolted awake as his phone flashed and vibrated with messages from Ned.

_Dude!!!_

_WE MOVE INTO OUR DORMS TODAY_

_WE MADE IT_

Peter chuckled to himself and shook his head at the countless messages from his best friend that kept flooding his phone. He could hear his Aunt May in the kitchen as the dishes clattered together, the smell of freshly cooked bacon and scrambled eggs wafted under the crack of the door.

_Hey man!!_

_I’m so excited_

_I can’t believe we’re actually going to college_

_To be honest_

_I didn’t think you’d make it…_

_Not cool man, not cool_

_Hahahahaha, you know I’m only messing with you_

_I know I know_

_You know what sucks though?_

_What?_

_The fact that you’re in fucking Georgia_

_You couldn’t have done data technology at Columbia?_

_I know dude_

_I probably could’ve but the course here is better_

_Excuses excuses_

_Shut up_

_We text everyday anyway, nothing will change_

_It better not_

_It won’t_

“PETER!!! Breakfast is ready!” Aunt May yelled from the kitchen as Peter slid out of bed.

_Gtg, May’s calling_

_Talk later yeah?_

Without waiting for a reply from Ned, Peter sighed in relief as the sweet smell of breakfast hit him as he opened the door and walked into the kitchen.

“Morning May,” Peter said as he slid down into his seat at the table across from his Aunt. He began to shovel scrambled eggs into his mouth.

“Hey slow down, you’re gonna feel sick,” May laughed to herself as she folded her newspaper and returned to the sink to begin washing the dishes. “You ready to go today? Everything’s packed?” May asked her nephew.

“Mhmmm,” Peter mumbled with a mouth full of bacon. “Do yomf knowm wmher myyfh watmtchm iff?”

“Was that English?” May said sarcastically from the kitchen as she washed the soap off of the glasses.

Peter gulped down the food in his mouth. “Do you know where my watch is?” he asked. The watch belonged to his Uncle Ben, Peter had worn it every single day since he died and only took it off when he showered and when he went to bed. His Uncle’s watch had a cracked, brown leather band, the hands and roman numerals that lined the gold face were black. But a week ago Peter lost it, and he refused to leave for college without his Uncle’s watch.

“You’re in luck!” May replied as Peter looked up from his plate with an excited look on his face.

“Don’t tell me you found it,” Peter said. A smile began to form on his lips as he stood up from the table and brought his dirty dishes to the sink just as May had finished cleaning up.

“It was under _my_ bed,” May began. “How it got there…I have no idea.” She laughed as she shoved Peter’s dishes in the dishwater, not being bothered to wash anything else.

“You’re a lifesaver May,” Peter’s voice trailed off as he walked back to his room, returning to the kitchen area holding a stack of boxes.

“How many more of those boxes do you have?” May asked her nephew.

“Only 2 or 3,” Peter replied. “It’s okay though, I can bring down the rest.” Peter offered as he swung the front door open with his foot and used his butt to close it softly behind him. Peter walked down the hallway of his apartment building and turned left around the corner to see an _OUT OF ORDER _sign stuck on the elevator button. Peter sighed, _of course it is _he thought to himself as he turned to his right instead and headed for the stairs. After using the boxes to push the door open in front of him, Peter started carefully making his way down the staircase, his footsteps echoing against the concrete with every step he took. The door at the bottom of the stairs led into the little apartment lobby. The building had just undergone renovations, and the lobby looked a lot nicer than the shabby mess it was before. The front desk was empty, and across from it there was a sitting area which had two grey couches with wooden legs opposite each other. Next to the couches there was a fireplace that was still burning, but slowly fizzling out, and above it was a new painting that Peter recognised as the ‘Creation of Adam’ painting by Michelangelo.

Peter walked out the main sliding doors and around the side where his car was parked in the resident parking lot. He slid the boxes into the back of his car and turned to go back and get the rest when he saw May staggering towards him struggling to see where she was going, the boxes covering her face.

“May…” Peter started. “I could’ve done it you know,” Peter said to her as he took the boxes from his Aunt and put them in the back with the rest.

“I know,” May replied. “But this is the last time I’ll see you for a long time,” May choked on a lump in her throat, desperate to hold back tears to avoid Peter seeing her cry.

“We’re not even an hour away,” Peter chuckled.

“I know but you’ll be busy and-“

“Come here,” Peter smiled as he pulled May into a tight hug. When Peter turned 15 he had a massive growth spurt, and now at the age of 18 he was at least a head taller than his Aunt May.

“I’m gonna miss you Peter,” May sighed as she ruffled her nephew’s hair.

“I’ll miss you too May,” Peter laughed as he ran his fingers through his hair to fix it. “Thank you for everything.”

May smiled, unable to say anything else in fear that Peter would see how much she was hurting. They both had no one left, only each other. Besides Peter’s school friends, he had nobody else. No other family. Aunt May meant everything to him and he loved her more than she knew. She gave up so much to be there for him when his Uncle died…her husband. She stayed so strong, she held it together when Peter couldn’t. She was the one who took him to see a therapist, she was the one who supported him when he started his medication, she’s was there through every panic attack and was by Peter’s side every night he woke up screaming.

“I love you. Stay safe. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” May joked as Peter go into his car and started up the engine.

“Would you do drugs?” Peter said with a blank expression.

“I mean, I took a few pills when I was in college,” May replied.

“W-what?” Peter stuttered. “I was kidding May!”

“So was I,” May winked at her nephew as Peter laughed and shook his head. He pulled out of the parking spot and tooted the horn as he drove off. His Aunt getting smaller and smaller in the rear-view mirror, she didn’t stop waving until the car was out of sight.

* * *

The extremely short drive from the heart of NYC to Columbia University was a big relief for Peter, he hated being in a car or driving for long periods of time…it made him uneasy. As he drove down the gravel driveway that was lined with evergreen trees and came around the bend, he was greeted with the hustle and bustle of students finding their dorms, boxes strewn on the lawn and parents honking as they dropped off their kids. _Who the hell drops their kids off to college?_ Peter had barely parked his car and closed the door behind him when and extremely energetic redhead approached him, she wore a Columbia blue polo shirt that she’d buttoned all the way to the top and tucked into her beige shorts. Her navy socks came just below her knees, and she had a lanyard around her neck and a blue cap on her head that said ‘Columbia: Home of the Lions’.

“Hi there! Welcome to Columbia University!” the girl said as she bounced on the balls of her feet. “I’m Eva, I’ll be around today and tomorrow for any Q’s of yours that need an A!”

Peter blankly stared at Eva’s outstretched hand and reluctantly took it in his and shook it. If this is what all the people at Columbia were like, Peter would never make it through the semester.

“Did you need a helping hand finding your dorm?” Eva asked Peter.

“Uhhhh…nope. I think I got it,” Peter replied, eager to escape the awkward conversation.

“Alrighty! Good luck! And happy studying,” Eva gave Peter a big thumbs up which Peter returned with a forced smile as he hurried off to find a trolley for his boxes.

After loading all his belongings onto a trolley and successfully avoiding Eva, Peter found himself wandering the dorm hallways searching for his room. Under normal circumstances he would be extremely frustrated, but he’d much prefer being lost than spending more time with Eva. As he walked through the halls pushing his trolley in front of him, he thought about his Uncle Ben. His Uncle would’ve been so proud of him if he was here, not only did Peter apply for college and get accepted…but he’s at the same college his Uncle went too. Thinking about it all made him feel uneasy. Peter tried to _never_ think about that night, about what _he _did. Aunt May told Peter over and over that it was an accident, it was no one’s fault. But she was wrong. It was _his_ fault. _He_ was fighting with his Uncle, _he _yelled at him, _he _swore at him and made him angry…_he _distracted him. It was his fault, and he had to live with it for the rest of his life.

As Peter snapped back to reality, he realised that he had started walking faster, his grip on the trolley was much tighter and his breaths were quick and shallow. _Please no, not now_, he thought. Peter stopped in the hallway and looked over his shoulder to make sure he was alone. As he rest his head against the wall and closed his eyes, Peter tried to focus on his breathing…_breathe in for 4 seconds, hold your breath for 7 and release for 8. In for 4, hold for 7, release for 8. In 4, hold 7, out 8. 4, 7, 8. 4, 7-_

“Dude…why are you so sweaty?”

Peter jolted off the wall and opened his eyes, he used his arm to wipe the sweat off his forehead and rubbed his palms on the back of his jeans. He noticed his breathing was more under control. A tall guy with dark brown eyes and short, wavy black hair stared back at Peter with his eyebrows raised, waiting for a response.

“Oh…um…I-I couldn’t find my dorm,” Peter stumbled over his words.

“Don’t sweat it man,” the guy said, putting a hand over his chest as he laughed at his own joke. Peter just kept staring at him, still dazed, his eyebrows slightly furrowed.

“I can help you, I just settled in this morning?” the guy said to Peter. “What’s your room number?”

“Uhh…C15,” Peter replied.

“Oh no kidding! We’re roommates” the guy said as he took control of Peter’s trolley and started walking the opposite way he came. Peter took it as an invitation to follow him. They walked for about a minute or two until they stopped in front of a light grey door that had the numbers C15 on it. Peter got out his room key to unlock the door but was stopped when his roommate opened it without one.

“So, this is me,” his roommate said pointing to the bed on the left. “And this one’s you.”

“Cool, thanks…I guess,” Peter said as he took the trolley back and started to take his boxes off. The dorm was nothing special, but it was better than what Peter was expecting. Two king-single beds were in each corner of the room, with two white, wooden nightstands in the middle of them. There was a small rectangular window above the nightstands that looked out over the main grass area. At the foot of each bed was a small desk with two drawers that had a pencil pot, a notebook and a desk lamp on top. The bathroom was to the left of the dorm, the floor was black and white checkered tiles, the shower was opposite the door and the toilet and sink were to the right.

“Pretty cosy huh?” Peter’s roommate said to him as he noticed Peter taking it all in.

“Could’ve been bigger,” Peter mumbled.

“The only thing I’m worried about is closet space,” his roommate started. “These damn cupboards are tiny.”

Peter watched as his roommate flung open the small cupboards that faced the beds, his clothes already spilling out.

“So…what you studying?” Peter’s roommate asked him as he tried shoving his clothes back in the cupboard and quickly closing the doors.

“Journalism,” Peter replied as he began to unpack his boxes. “What about you?”

“Oh I’m here for football mainly,” his roommate replied.

“On a scholarship?” Peter questioned.

“What? Just cos I’m black I automatically have a football scholarship?” Peter’s eyes widened as his roommate folded his arms across his chest, waiting to hear what Peter was about to say next.

“Uhhh I-I didn’t mean it like that-“

“Nahhh,” his roommate chuckled. “I’m just messin with you.”

Peter couldn’t help but let out a sigh of relief and a small laugh. They’d only just met but Peter liked his roommate, he was funny and seemed like a good guy.

“I don’t even know your name,” his roommate asked him.

“I’m Peter,” Peter held out his hand and his roommate pulled him into a half handshake, half hug.

“I’m Harry, Harry Osborn.”

* * *

_NED_

_I think I’m in love with college life_

_This place is amazing_

_My roommate seems chill, his name’s Harry_

_Me too, this is awesome dude_

_I don’t have a roommate though…_

_What??? Why?_

_Idk, I was supposed to, but they pulled out last minute_

_I GOT A ROOM TO MYSELF BABY_

_That’s so lucky man_

_My dorm is tinyyyy_

_I wonder what that feels like?_

_Do you want me to come to Georgia and slap you?_

_I dare you_

_Idiot_

_Asshole_

“Get off your phone and look around campus for like _one_ second,” Harry teased Peter.

“Okay, okay,” Peter whined. Although they had only met an hour ago, Peter and Harry got along extremely well.

“Dude, I’m not gonna be there to save your ass every time you get lost,” Harry joked as Peter laughed and shook his head.

“Yeah yeah, whatever,” Peter replied.

The two of them were familiarising themselves with campus, walking around and taking everything so that when classes started tomorrow, they knew where they were going and what they were doing. After crossing the main grass area that their dorm overlooked, Peter and Harry wandered through the conjoining courtyard. The old red brick courtyard was quite big and seemed to be one of the more popular hangout places. There was a three-tier brick fountain in the middle of the courtyard that seemed fairly old, Peter safely came to that conclusion as he spotted the mould growing in between each of the tiers. Around the edge of the courtyard there were various black, steel park benches. Some of the benches had light blue beanbags around them, while others had navy stools. Columbia was known for the colour blue. Peter and Harry came to a stop just in front of the fountain.

“I heard that place makes the best coffee _ever_,” Harry told Peter as he pointed to the sort-of hidden coffee shop towards the back of the courtyard.

“I think I’m gonna be needing _a lot _of that stuff if I wanna survive college,” Peter nervously laughed as he thought about all the work he’d have to start doing once classes started. Peter’s thoughts were interrupted when Harry started rapidly tapping him on the arm. Looking up at Harry, Peter followed his gaze to the two girls that had just walked into the coffee shop.

“Dude,” Harry started. “I don’t even like coffee that much, but I just found a reason to start drinking it.”

A smile spread across Peter’s face as he watched Harry follow the two girls into the coffee shop, Peter wasn’t far behind. As he walked inside the reasonably small shop, the bell above the door chimed softly. The smell of roasted coffee beans and banana bread hung in the air. Dark oak bookshelves lined the right side of the shop, the shelves were mostly filled with classics, there were some newer novels here and there. The countertops were painted jet black as well as all of the tables. The cushioned-window seat that was at the front of the shop was by far, in Peter’s opinion, the best place to sit

Peter watched as Harry approached the two girls he had followed in earlier, they were standing at the counter admiring the bakery section of the coffee shop.

“Well, it looks like Columbia only accepted offers from the most beautiful people,” Harry smirked as he coolly lent with one arm against the bench.

The girls turned around, if Peter could take a picture right not without it being weird…he would. The look on their faces were priceless.

“Well then why the hell are you here?” the taller of the two snapped, the shorter blonde girl seemed to be blushing at Harry’s pick-up line. Peter accidentally let out a snort, causing the two girls to both turn towards his direction. Peter approached the three of them as they stood in silence, the awkwardness settling in.

“Do you always use that one?” the girl with the curly brown hair asked. “Or do you look up ‘pick-up lines for dummies’ and choose one of those.”

Harry was stunned that his charm wasn’t working, but the blonde seemed to be infatuated with him.

“Very funny,” Harry replied as the brunette smiled sarcastically.

“Who’s your friend?” the brunette motioned with her head towards Peter who was standing their silently.

“This…” Harry said as he draped his arm around Peter’s shoulders. “Is Peter.”

“Nice to meet you Peter…”

“Parker. Peter Parker,” Peter finished the brunette’s sentence.

“Well…Peter, are you always this quiet?” she blatantly asked.

“Are you always this rude?” Peter snapped back.

“Yep, get used to it,” the girl smirked, her friend still hadn’t said a word.

“You never told us your name sweetheart,” Harry said to the blonde making her blush.

“Don’t call her that-”

“I’m Gwen,” the blonde said, interrupting her friend.

“Gwen…that’s a beautiful name,” Harry told her, causing her to giggle.

“And I’m Michelle if anyone cares,” the brunette jumped in causing Peter to roll his eyes in annoyance. “But you can call me MJ.”


	2. You Again?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At only 16, Peter Parker lost his Uncle Ben in a tragic car accident. After the accident, Peter was diagnosed with PTSD and often blamed himself for what happened. It’s now three years later and Peter is moving off to college. He’s leaving his Aunt May and separating from his best friend Ned. But while Peter is anxious about starting a new life all on his own, he can’t help but feel excitement about what’s to come at Columbia University…until he meets MJ…and he starts to wish he chose a different path.

**2020**

“The blonde was cute,” Harry smirked as he lay down on his bed scrolling through his phone. It was Sunday and Peter and Harry had just woken up.

“You know she has a name?” Peter questioned as he sat down on his bed facing Harry. “Or have you forgotten it already?” Peter joked.

“Gwen…” Harry spoke as he folded his arms behind his head, a dreamy look in his eyes. “Gwen…it has a nice ring to it.”

“Better than Michelle,” Peter mimicked her name, making Harry laugh.

“Dude she was hot,” Harry sat up and swung his legs over the side of his bed.

“Dude she was a bitch,” Peter reminded Harry of the conversation from the coffee shop.

“Yeah…but hot,” Harry stood up and made his way to the shower as Peter shook his head.

The sound of the water hitting the floor in the shower was muffled as Harry closed the bathroom door. Peter took his phone from his pocket and hit the call button next to Ned’s name. The phone didn’t even ring twice before Peter heard the familiar voice on the other line.

“Yooo Peter?” Ned chimed.

“Dude I’m in love,” Peter said as he flopped on his back and faced the ceiling.

“Already?” Ned asked. “Who is she?”

“Wait no…Ned… I meant with college,” Peter laughed as he fiddled with a loose thread on his shirt.

“Ohhhhh,” Ned replied. “Have you started classes yet?”

“Not yet, but I met my roommate today he’s super chill,” Peter replied. “How’s Georgia Tech?”

“It’s insane,” Ned explained. “Everyone here seems so nerdy.”

“So you fit right in,” Peter joked to his best friend as he tried pulling the thread off his shirt.

“Very funny ha ha,” Ned mimicked Peter’s laugh. “But there is one girl-”

“Already?” Peter cut off Ned. “Dude how do you have more game than me? What’s her name?”

“It comes naturally,” Ned replied. “And her name is Betty,” Ned gushed as he told Peter.

“You sound like you’re in love already,” Peter paid out his friend.

“I could be…” Ned suggested.

“I wouldn’t put it past you,” Peter said, teasing Ned.

“I gotta go,” Ned told Peter. “Not to sound corny but…I miss you man.”

“I miss you too loser,” Peter replied as he finally snapped the thread from his shirt.

After exchanging quick goodbyes, Peter hung up just as Harry came out of the bathroom.

“Talking to yourself Parker?” Harry joked as he pulled a shirt over his damp body.

“A friend from school,” Peter corrected him as he stood up from his bed and sat at his desk. Peter began to sort through his textbooks and notebooks, getting them ready for his classes tomorrow.

“You going to the freshman bonfire tonight?” Harry asked, breaking through the silence in the room.

“I didn’t even know that was a thing,” Peter replied looking up from what he was doing.

“Yeah…it’s this bonfire that the freshmen do in the main parking lot,” Harry explained as he continued to get dressed. “Pretty much everyone goes.”

“What do you do there?” Peter questioned Harry.

“The usual…drink, talk, smoke maybe take a girl back to your dorm,” Harry joked.

“Sounds like fun,” Peter said. “But parties aren’t really my scene, too many…people.”

“Dude you have to come, it’s tradition,” Harry pleaded. “Besides I don’t really know many people here.”

“I’ll think about it,” Peter remarked.

* * *

**2018**

“Just do one session and if you feel really uncomfortable, we can go to someone new,” Aunt May told Peter as they sat in the waiting room. The white walls felt like they were closing in on Peter, everything was too bright, too…clinical.

The accident took a big toll on Peter’s life, everything was different now. Peter had been diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder and had been told by multiple doctors that he should start seeing a psychiatrist to treat his mental illness. Peter hated those words. Mental. Illness. He wasn’t sick and he wasn’t dying. But his Aunt May had noticed his panic attacks and sleeping patterns were getting worse, no matter how hard Peter tried to hide it from her, so she eventually booked the appointment.

“Peter Parker?” Peter looked up as his name was called by the receptionist. She was an older lady with dark brown hair, grey streaks were visible throughout her bob. May unfolded her legs and returned her magazine to the front desk as she and Peter walked through to Dr Barry’s office.

The room was much more comforting than the waiting area, the walls were a creamy beige colour and fresh plants of all shapes and sizes had been placed in pots around the room. A bookshelf sat behind Dr Barry’s desk and in the middle of the room was a sandstone coloured couch with a glass coffee table in front of it. The table had two books on top that looked like they were just for decoration, as well as two succulents that sat to the left of the books.

“Take a seat Peter,” the woman who Peter assumed was Dr Barry said to him.

“I’ll be just outside okay?” Aunt May said to Peter as she walked back towards the door, Peter nodded in reply.

As Aunt May closed the door, Dr Barry spoke, “I’m Dr Barry, but you can call me Celia,” Peter shook her hand as she offered it to him.

“I’m Peter,” Peter muttered to Celia as he took up her offer and sat on the couch closest to the door.

“So, Peter, I’ve heard a little bit about you and what you’ve been through,” Celia spoke to him in a calm and endearing voice. “Before we start, I want to make it clear that anything you say in this room _stays_ in this room. This is a safe space where you can open up and share okay?” Celia stated as she took a seat on the couch across from Peter.

“T-thanks I guess?” Peter swallowed a lump in his throat and tried to shake the nervous feeling in the pit of his stomach. Why was he feeling so scared? Celia was here to help him and guide him through whatever it was that he was going through.

“So…let’s go back to the 3rd of December 2017.”

* * *

**2020**

Peter rolled his eyes as Harry guided him to the main parking lot where the bonfire was already burning. There were freshmen everywhere, some clung in groups close to the fire and drank, some hung around the outskirts and talked amongst each other, while others sat on top of dumpsters and smoked whatever it was they were smoking. Peter looked around in disgust at the red cups that already littered the floor and thought about how much he _didn’t _want to be there, he didn’t know anyone (besides Harry) and didn’t care if it stayed that way.

“This is awesome,” Harry jumped on the balls on his feet as he searched the parking lot, the music from the speakers caused Peter’s ears to ring.

“This is literally the opposite of awesome,” Peter folded his arms and shuddered as a gust of wind lifted up his shirt. “I can’t believe you dragged me out here.”

“Cmon’, stop being so negative,” Harry pleaded. “Let’s just at least _try_ to have a good time,” Harry playfully punched Peter’s arm causing a small smile to form on his lips.

“Fiiiiineee,” Peter gave in to his roommate. “But in an hour if I’m still hating it…I’m going back to our room.” Peter bargained.

“Whatever you say dude,” Harry coolly said. “Let’s go get a drink,” Harry pushed Peter towards a group of people who were crowded around keg’s and boxes filled with ice and beer. Harry pulled out two beers from the boxes and opened them both with his teeth.

“Impressive,” Peter raised his eyebrows and took the beer as Harry handed it to him.

“One of my many many skills,” Harry joked as he held his bottle upwards. “Cheers.”

“Here’s to college,” Peter responded and clinked his beer against Harry’s, simultaneously they put their bottles to their lips.

* * *

After about 7 drinks in Peter was starting to feel them all at once. But he felt good. Everything felt perfect actually. The wind wasn’t so cold anymore, the bonfire was still burning high, the music was at the perfect volume and the crowds around him didn’t seem to be bothering him. He had lost Harry a little while ago, but he didn’t mind wandering around on his own. Even though he had only moved in yesterday, Peter felt like he needed the time to himself. As he walked away from the main parking lot to an area away from the fire where there weren’t as many people, he let his lungs fill with fresh air. The slight breeze felt cool against his face as he closed his eyes and tilted his head towards the sky. The chatter and music behind him was still prominent so Peter kept walking until he could only hear muffled lyrics and everything else around him was still. As he stumbled along the side of Columbia’s main driveway, he finished what was left of his beer and tossed the bottle to the side and listened to it clatter and roll against the road. As he focused on the sound of the bottle, Peter didn’t even have time to react as the car came around the bend. The headlights blinded Peter as he put his arm out to stop the car from hitting him. The driver of the white ford swerved around Peter and held down on the horn, the prolonged sound snapped Peter out of whatever daze he was in. As the car sped off and out of sight, Peter remained stunned on the side of the road, unable to move from the shock of the near miss.

Peter stared ahead of himself and blinked a few times to try and get the white spots from the headlights out of his vision. He decided it would be a good idea to walk back towards where everyone was. Peter could hear the vibrations of the music growing louder as he carefully walked back to the main parking lot. As he replayed the sound of the horn in his head his breathing started to quicken. Peter could feel his heart pounding in his chest at an alarming rate, he stopped walking and tried to regain control of his breath but felt it slowly slipping away from him. Peter kept stumbling forwards until the bonfire was back in sight, but he didn’t want anyone to see him, so he sat on the cold asphalt and leant his back against one of the parked cars. Peter tilted his head backwards as his heart continued to beat rapidly in his chest, it was so fast he could feel it all through his body. Peter’s hands began to shake, and he clasped them together to stop them, but he had no luck. He placed his hands on his knees and tried to take deep breathes of the cold air in and remember what his psychiatrist had taught him. _In for 4, hold for 7, release for 8_. Peter continued going through this process and slowly his regained control of his breathing, the pain in his chest started to dissolve and the ringing in his ears was almost silent. As he sat with his knees close to his chest, Peter placed his arms on top and rested his head on his knees. He didn’t even notice the figure standing to his left.

“Are you okay?” The girl asked breaking the silence and causing Peter to jump upwards.

“I-I’m fine,” Peter replied swallowing a lump in his throat, slightly embarrassed that someone may have seen him having a panic attack. Peter strained his eyes in the dark and stood up as he tried to make out whoever was standing in front of him.

“You didn’t look fine,” the girl stated as she took one step towards Peter. It was then that she was close enough for Peter to see who it was.

“MJ?” Peter’s eyes widened as MJ stood in front of him and crossed her arms. _Great_, Peter thought.

“Parker,” MJ nodded in acknowledgment to Peter as he stood in front of her. “What was all _that_ about?” MJ did a waving motion with her hands.

“None of your business,” Peter snapped as he brushed passed her and began to walk back to the bonfire.

“Were you crying?” MJ grabbed Peter’s arm and turned him around, stopping him from walking.

“W-what? No,” Peter stuttered as he ripped his arm out of MJ’s grip, annoyed that she was trying to make him look stupid and weak. “Just leave me alone.”

“I’m just trying to hel-“

“Well stop trying,” Peter spat as he turned on his heels and stormed off, leaving MJ to stand alone in the parking lot.

* * *

Peter slowly opened his eyes so the light didn’t flood in all at once, he could feel a slight throbbing in the back of his head. After eventually opening his eyes fully, his headache became more prominent and the familiar sensation of a hangover overwhelmed him. Peter noticed he was staring up at the ceiling of his dorm, yet he was unsure as to how he got there. Must of last night was a blur, but Peter didn’t mind if it stayed that way…he didn’t even want to remember. The ringing of Harry’s alarm snapped him out of his thoughts. _Shit, classes start to today_, Peter thought to himself.

“First day today,” Harry said in a raspy voice, it was almost as if he read Peter’s mind.

“Can’t wait!” Peter replied sarcastically as he pulled back his covers and sat up, rubbing his eyes with the back of his fist.

“Where did you even go last night?” Harry asked as he got up from bed and started to get dressed into a navy polo shirt and some black shorts.

“I don’t even know,” Peter told his roommate as he grabbed his towel and staggered towards the bathroom. “After about the fourth beer I lost you and forgot pretty much everything.”

Harry chuckled as he hopped on one foot pulling his socks up. Peter closed the bathroom door behind him and switched on the shower as cold as it goes; he thought that the best way to cure a hangover was a freezing cold shower. Stepping inside, Peter shuddered as the icy water spurted onto him from the showerhead, the water pressure constantly changing. The shower might not have cured his hangover, but it certainly woke him up, and as he dried himself off and got changed, Peter started to feel more excited for his classes to begin.

_Good luck today Ned!_

_All the best buddy…_

_Alsooooo_

_You drunk texted me last night but let’s not talk about that_

_Oh my god…_

_I didn’t even notice_

_I’m deleting it before I read it_

_Oh crap I read it_

_I’m such a loser_

_I thought it was nice that you thought of me…_

_Really touching_

_Shut up Ned_

_Love you too Parker_

Peter was so immersed in his phone that he didn’t even notice when Harry said goodbye and left for his first class. Peter grabbed his backpack from next to his desk and decided to head out a bit early to make sure he new where he was going for his first class. As he walked down the hall and onto the main campus he searched for his classroom. _Introduction to Journalism in room 131, where the hell would that be?_ Peter thought as he scanned the classrooms that he could see, none of them looked as if they were where he was meant to be. His headache grew worse as time passed and Peter realised that if he didn’t find the classroom soon he would be late, and he really didn’t feel like walking into class halfway through and having everyone stare at him as he took his seat at the front.

“Peter?” A voice behind him called out, Peter was too afraid to turn, _please don’t be MJ._

Peter turned to the direction he heard his name, “Gwen!”

“Hey, good to see you again,” Gwen half skipped over to where Peter was standing and gave him an overexcited hug.

“Good to see you too,” Peter smiled at her.

“You seem lost,” Gwen pointed out and giggled as Peter nodded. “Where you headed?”

“Uhhh I have Introduction to Journalism,” Peter handed Gwen his timetable so she could see what room he was supposed to be in.

“Hey, me too!” Gwen said excitedly. “I know where it is, follow me.”

Peter followed Gwen past the courtyard where the coffee shop was and through to the building where most of the classrooms seemed to be.

After coming to a stop in front of pale blue double doors Gwen said, “I’m just waiting for another friend in this class, you can go find a seat if you want.”

“It’s okay I’ll wait with you,” Peter offered as he smiled at Gwen causing her to blush a little.

As they waited Peter’s phone chimed with a text from his Aunt May.

_Good luck today Peter_

_Your Uncle Ben would be so proud_

_Your parents too…_

“Oh here she is!” Gwen exclaimed as Peter looked up from his phone before he could reply, to his delight he saw MJ walking towards them. She wore black ripped jeans with a plain white shirt that had the word ‘feminist’ on the front in bold block letters. He took one look at her and his memories from the night before came flooding back. He remembered his near miss with the car, the panic attack, and his half conversation half argument he had with MJ. His headache got worse.

“Are you following me Parker?” MJ teased as she approached him and Gwen.

“Don’t flatter yourself Michelle,” Peter smiled sarcastically and clenched his jaw. He could see that she hated being called Michelle, something that Peter took a mental note of so he could annoy her in the future.

“It’s MJ,” she said through clenched teeth as she tried to keep her cool.

“Uhhh should we go inside?” Gwen interrupted as she tried to break the awkwardness of the conversation.

“Great idea,” MJ replied.

“After you Michelle,” Peter teased MJ, causing her to ‘accidentally’ step on his foot as she walked passed him.

The lecture theatre had rows of chairs that were on a slant and faced the double whiteboard towards the front of the room. There was also a desk at the front which was completely empty and seemed to be there for no reason at all. Most of the rows seemed to be filling up so Gwen insisted that they sit somewhere near the front, however both Peter and MJ politely declined and made it clear that they preferred to sit towards the back; this was probably the only thing they’d ever agree on. However the back rows were all full so the three ended up sitting somewhere in the middle, Gwen placed herself between Peter and MJ to avoid any arguments or disagreements that may cause heads to turn in the middle of the lecture. Peter, MJ and Gwen took their seats and took out their notebooks and laptops as their professor came through the doors and hurried down the stairs towards the front. He was an older looking man with brown hair that was silver on the sides. He wore a mushroom brown suit and blue shirt and his striped tie was clasped to his shirt with a silver tie pin.

“Good morning everyone and welcome to Introduction to Journalism,” the professor’s voice boomed throughout the lecture theatre despite his lack of a microphone.

“He seems like a bit of a dick,” Peter whispered to Gwen as she tried to muffle her laugh with her hands.

“That’s weird,” MJ started. “Because that’s exactly what I think of _you_.”

Gwen couldn’t contain her laughter as she let it slip out, causing a few people in the rows in front to turn backwards and see what the fuss was about. A girl sitting four seats down in the same row shushed the three of them, MJ flipped her off causing the girl to scowl. Peter tried not to laugh at MJ’s gesture, it annoyed him that he found it funny but she didn’t notice.

“I will be your professor, lecturer, teacher, mentor - whatever you wanna call it – for this class,” their professor continued as he picked up the black whiteboard marker and began to spell out his name on the board.

“I’ve heard this guy is one of the best journalism professors,” Gwen whispered to both Peter and MJ, although she didn’t seem convinced by the words coming out of her mouth. Peter turned towards the front again and saw that their professor had scribbled his name on the whiteboard.

_Professor J. Jonah Jameson_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While the names of the characters have been taken from the MCU and the comic books, their personalities, character backgrounds, relationships and storylines are purely fictional and are in no correlation with the MCU or the comics. The information about Georgia Tech and Columbia University and their courses is also purely fictional.
> 
> Peter Parker  
Tom Holland
> 
> Michelle Jones/MJ  
Zendaya
> 
> Ned Leeds  
Jacob Batalon
> 
> Harry Osborn  
Algee Smith
> 
> Gwen Stacy  
Kiernan Shipka
> 
> May Parker  
Marisa Tomei

**Author's Note:**

> While the names of the characters have been taken from the MCU and the comic books, their personalities, character backgrounds, relationships and storylines are purely fictional and are in no correlation with the MCU or the comics. The information about Georgia Tech and Columbia University and their courses is also purely fictional.
> 
> Peter Parker  
Tom Holland
> 
> Michelle Jones/MJ  
Zendaya
> 
> Ned Leeds  
Jacob Batalon
> 
> Harry Osborn  
Algee Smith
> 
> Gwen Stacy  
Kiernan Shipka
> 
> May Parker  
Marisa Tomei


End file.
